Jokes- Misuse of English

The day of the oral exam:

Teacher: Are you nervous?

Student: No, I am not. I am single.

Teacher: Is this your pencil?

Student: Yes, I am a pencil.

Teacher: What are you wearing?

Student: I am fat.

Last Kiss

(Pearl Jam)


Oh, where oh where can my baby be?

The Lord took her away from me

She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good

So I can see my baby when I leave this world.

We were out on a date in my daddy's car

We hadn't driven very far

There in the road, up straight ahead

A car was stalled, the engine was dead

I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right

I'll never forget the sound that night

The screamin' tires, the bustin' glass

The painful scream that I heard last.

Oh, where oh where can my baby be?

The Lord took her away from me

She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good

So I can see my baby when I leave this world.

When I woke up, the rain was pourin' down

There were people standing all around

Something warm rollin' through my eyes

But somehow I found my baby that night

I lifted her head, she looked at me and said

"Hold me darling just a little while."

I held her close, I kissed her our last kiss

I found the love that I knew I would miss

But now she's gone, even though I hold her tight

I lost my love, my life that night.

Oh, where oh where can my baby be?

The Lord took her away from me

She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good

So I can see my baby when I leave this world.

Oooh~ ooooh~

DOWNLOAD SONG

http://www.savefile.com/files/365158

PS:This song has a very special place in my heart.
(Baby, I met you through this song! Love ya!)

Massage or Message?

Saya sering mendapati pelajar-pelajar selalu membuat kesilapan ejaan untuk kedua-dua perkataan di atas. Walaupun nampak seperti kesilapan kecil tetapi impak bagi maksud adalah amat besar…(serius plak cikgu malam nie…hekhek.)


Massage bermaksud urutan (noun) ataupun mengurut (verb).

Contoh ayat:
I will give you a face massage. (noun)
I will massage your face. (verb)

Message bermaksud mesej ataupun pesanan (noun).

Contoh ayat:
I leave a message on her desk. (noun)


Cuba lihat ayat-ayat di bawah. Mesti kelakarkan kalau kita tersalah eja. Tetapi tak mengapa, kitakan belajar dari kesilapan.


Contoh-contoh kesilapan ejaan membawa maksud yang berbeza:

Please leave me a massage if I’m not around.
A massage in a bottle.
She will message my body.



Baiklah, selain ejaan dan maksud, sebutan bagi kedua-dua perkataan ini juga berbeza. Jadi berhati-hatilah bile menyebutnya ye.


Massage (sebutannya ialah /masaj/ di dalam sebutan bahasa Melayu).

Message (sebutannya ialah /meisej/ di dalam sebutan bahasa Melayu).

Spot the Errors
Change Malaysian usage to Standard usage.

1. She doesn’t go to work today. She is having a cold.

2. My boss really wanted to know what is the reason.

3. Siti has renovated her house again.

4. The girls are more richer compared to the boys.

5. Both of them hope that their parents would come to the wedding.

6. Both of my students didn’t hand in their assignments.

7. You don’t love me, isn’t it?

8. I have the books. I will pass to you next week.

9. My one is very good one. Their ones are not good one.

10. Although I told him not to call but he insisted.


Note: I will post all the answers next week ;-)

Manglish (Malaysian English)

Have you heard of the term “Manglish” before? Well, if yes, you may have been using it or have heard it spoken all around you. Is it alright to use Malaysian English (the variety of English spoken in Malaysia which is acceptable when used among Malaysians) in daily conversations rather than Standard English (the variety of English spoken in the United Kingdom)? Actually, it is advisable to use Standard English with non-Malaysians and in more formal situations since Standard English is more universally understood throughout the world.

Today, I want to show you some examples of unacceptable local usage which are best avoided when speaking or writing formally. You will see that these examples break the accepted rules of Standard English grammar and others cause misunderstanding when spoken or used with non-Malaysians or foreigners.


Examples:

1. Malaysian usage: Can you tell me where is the place?
Standard usage: Can you tell me where the place is?

2. Malaysian usage: My mother is taller compared to my father.
Standard usage: My mother is taller than my father.

3. Malaysian usage: He repaired his car.
Standard usage: He had his car repaired.

4. Malaysian usage: Ridzuan would be coming tomorrow.
Standard usage: Ridzuan will be coming tomorrow.
(Note: Use will to indicate future.)

5. Malaysian usage:
Lily: This pizza is tasty!
Ahmad: Thanks! I cooked myself.

Standard usage:

Lily: This pizza is tasty!
Ahmad: Thanks! I cooked it myself.

6. Malaysian usage: I am having a headache.
Standard usage : I have/I’ve got a headache.

7. Malaysian usage: Fergie sang really well, isn’t it?
Standard usage: Fergie sang really well, didn’t she?
(Note: Use didn’t with verbs/ sang is a verb.)

8. Malaysian usage: My one is very good.
Standard usage: Mine is very good.

9. Malaysian usage: Both of my kids didn’t eat the pizza.
Standard usage : Neither of my kids ate the pizza.

10. Malaysian usage: Although he is rich but he is still generous.

Standard usage : Although he is rich, he is still generous.

When were traffic lights first used?

*lights

: lampu

*carriages

: kenderaan / kereta kuda

*MPs

: ahli-ahli parlimen (members of parliament)

*entered (enter)(past tense)

: masuk

*left (leave)(past tense)

: meninggalkan

*foggy

: berkabus

*watchman

: pengawal

*lantern

: pelita /sejenis lampu minyak

Houses of Parliament London

The first ever example of *lights being used to signal road traffic was at the Houses of Parliament in London in 1868. When *carriages carrying *MPs *entered or *left the house during the night or on *foggy days, a *watchman would hold up a *lantern. A red lantern to stop traffic and let the carriages out and a green lantern to signal the other traffic it was clear to carry on.

Modern traffic lights were developed from 19th-century railway signals.

Bahasa Melayu or English?

Aslm dan salam sejahtera semua! Diharapkan anda semua sihat dan ceria bersama keluarga. Bagi yang muram durja tidak mengapa, kawan-kawan kan ada?;-)
Saya rasa mungkin ramai juga di kalangan anda tertanya-tanya kenapa pula saya menulis dalam bahasa Melayu. Nak tahu mengapa? Sebenarnya, ini adalah kehendak sebahagian besar para pembaca blog ini. Mereka lebih mudah memahami isi kandungan artikel saya sekiranya ditulis dalam bahasa Melayu.

Tak setuju? Ya, saya sebenarnya tidak setuju juga dengan cadangan tersebut. Semasa saya belajar menjadi guru bahasa Inggeris (TESL), saya telah diasuh dan diarah supaya jangan sesekali bertutur di dalam bahasa Melayu dengan pelajar-pelajar, jauh sekali untuk menterjemahkan setiap butir kata dalam teks-teks bahasa Inggeris. Walaupun pelajar-pelajar merayu, saya mesti buat muka selamba tak tahu. Ini kerana, lambat laun para pelajar akan mengambil inisiatif untuk belajar bahasa Inggeris supaya dapat memahami saya ataupun pertuturan saya menjadi ikutan mereka. (Students, now you know why I always talk in English with you).

Tapi kenapa pulak tulis dalam bahasa Melayu ni, cik Bedah oi? Supaya semua orang boleh faham apa yang saya tulis. Tetapi saya perlu ingatkan anda semua tentang satu perkara “You’ve got to eat, sleep, love, hate, and live in English if you really want to be good at it.” Kata-kata azimat profesor saya ni masih terngiang-ngiang di telinga saya sampai la ni. Jadi, tuan-puan semua fikirkanlah. Tetapi takdela saya suruh kita semua lupakan bahasa ibunda kita dan hidup ala Barat.

Kesimpulannya, mungkin satu atau dua daripada empat artikel yang bakal saya tulis setiap minggu nanti adalah dalam bahasa Melayu. Ya, ya! Saya tahu anda suka. Mari tepuk tangan bersama-sama! Cuma, saya galakkan anda supaya write and chat with me in English. Penggunaan bahasa Melayu dalam artikel saya adalah sekadar membantu pemahaman bukan meningkatkan penguasaan bahasa Inggeris anda. Anggaplah blog ini seperti salah satu ruangan bahasa Profesor Adibah Amin yang menggunakan dua bahasa (dwibahasa). Sekian, jumpa lagi!

Song of the Week: A Shoulder To Cry On
(Tommy Page)

Meaning: A person who you can always count on or console when you're in grief or bad times.

Life is full of lots of up and downs
but the distance feels further
when it's headed for the ground
and there's nothing more painful
than to let your feelings take
you down

It's so hard to know
the way you feel inside
when there's many thoughts
and feelings that you hide
but you might feel better
if you let me walk with you
by your side

Chorus:
And when you need
A shoulder to cry on
when you need
a friend to rely on
and the whole world is gone
you won't be alone
'cause I'll be there
I'll be your shoulder to cry on
I'll be there
I'll be your friend to rely on
When the whole world's gone
you won't be alone 'cause I'll be there

All of the times
when everything is wrong
and you're feeling like
there's no use going on
You can't give it up
I'll help you work it out
and carry on

Side by side
with you till the end
I'll always be the one
to firmly hold your hand
no matter what is said or done
our love will always continue on

Chorus:
Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on
Everyone needs a friend to rely on
When the whole world is gone, you won't be alone
'cause I'll be there
I'll be your shoulder to cry on
I'll be there
I'll be your friend to rely on
When the whole world is gone, You won't be alone
'cause I'll be there
You'll have my shoulder to cry on
I'll be there
I'll be the one to rely on
When the whole world is gone, you won't be alone
'cause I'll be there

And when the whole world's gone
You'll always have my shoulder to cry on

DOWNLOAD SONG
http://www.savefile.com/files/333656

Word of the Week

Count on: depend, rely

Example sentence: You can always count on me to help you when you need it!

Are you agree? I am agree

Lately, I've noticed that most of my friends and students are very used to say "Are you agree?" and "I am agree." Grammatically, it's wrong. Why is it wrong? If you were to use agree (main verb) with auxiliary verbs (or helping verbs) like am, is, was, are and were, you need to insert the ending -ing to the main verb.

Example:

1. I am agreeing. (CORRECT)

I am agree. (wrong, no -ing)

2. He is chatting. (CORRECT)

He is chat. (wrong, no-ing)

3. Sheila was jogging. (CORRECT)

Sheila was jog.(wrong, no-ing)

4. They are shooting. (CORRECT)

They are shoot.(wrong, no -ing)

5. The cows were eating. (CORRECT)

The cows were eat. (wrong, no-ing)

Alright, let's say you don't use the auxiliary verbs (is, am, was, are, and were), you can simply say "I agree" or "She agrees" (refer Simple Present Tense/Singular & Plural Verbs). See, no auxiliary verbs means no -ing.

"Are you agree?" isn't right either, so when you want to put this in question form, please use "Do you agree?" or "Are you agreeing?"

However, there is a difference between these two (Do you agree? and Are you agreeing?) in terms of tenses (Simple Present & Continuous Tense).

P/S: This rule is only applied to these auxiliary verbs: am, is, was, are, were. Find more details with Google Search Box.

Ready to learn?

Hi! I hope everyone is happy today as I am. I'm so happy today because i finally got the chance to create my own blog which I believe could do a little help in improving my English and yours too.

I understand that some of you may feel uneasy and reluctant to speak English because you are afraid of making mistakes and being laughed. But, here nobody can see you face to face and everyone here is just like you with one target and it is to develop and improve English to the fullest.

Do you know that the more you make errors, the more you will learn. Sounds like errors are o.k, isn't it? Agree? Great! I can see you're smiling now. :o)

So put your best foot forward TODAY and let's make a better day. The better day is when both English and the world are at your Fingertips. Why do I associate English with the world?...Think!